As I begin to write this blog all I can think of is this meme (see below) and think, “Aint God Good”? I feel like a walking testimony. (This is my sermon for the day so follow along with me) lol
I know it’s been a while since I have blogged, so I wanted to write something that was heavy on my heart. Someone out there needs to hear this. If you have been following me on Social Media, you know that I recently just went through/and still grieving the tragic loss of my son. I won’tgo into details but I will say, it’s a journey and I walk it EVERYDAY.
Sometimes I’m asked, “How are you so transparent when it comes to talking about personal issues” and honestly I’m not ashamed of what I’ve been through and I know that my story will help someone and give them hope to press forward in life.
It’s true I don’t look like what I have been through in life but I’m still standing and I walk with a smile on my face EVERYDAY. Yes some days are easy and some days are hard but THAT’S LIFE. In life, we all experience trauma whether it’s abonnement, molestation, death, failure, abuse, or heartbreak (and that is just a few that I have been through). But through these traumas, we begin to guard our heart and when we feel that someone or something is trying to tap into those once felt emotions we begin to sabotage it. (Right?… are you following me?)
For example, in dating I would meet guys and when they would start to do things I didn’t like or began to hurt my feelings I would sabotage the relationship. I would do things that “made me seem crazy” or do whatever it took to make them leave me alone because I didn’t want to deal with those emotions of going through a breakup. I will give you another example I had a job a few years ago that I loved but after a while, it became a nightmare. My coworkers were evil and the job was very draining emotionally. I didn’t want to quit so I did everything in my power to get fired. I would show up every day and clock in late on purpose, I would miss my sales goal and give sales to other employees. I just didn’t want to seem like a quitter so I did what I had to do to get fired. (if you are wondering they did not fire me I eventually quite).
But because of these traumas, we knew what pain, anger, and sadness feel like. Those are emotions no one want to deal with. But I’m here to tell you we are human, that heart of yours is very complex and is meant to feel every emotion there is. I never understood why people think its ok to be a robot and not express their emotions. IT’S OK! Everything happens for a reason and if you believe in a higher power you know that they don’t make mistakes. If you are going through a breakup IT’S OK! Learn from this relationship, the next person will be everything you need. If you are wondering why that job has not called you back or why you didn’t get the job IT’S OK! The job that’s for you either requires more learning from the job you are at now, or your dream job position is not prepared yet. You may think life is hard and you are ready to just give up and become a drug dealer or a stripper but NO I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s get a little more personal. When your friends invite you to go out with them on the weekends but your sad because you can’t go because you are living paycheck to paycheck and it seems like they are just living the life while you are trying to save money and pay bills. But IT’S OK because you will have that dream job that pays you enough money to travel to Thailand! While your friends that were popping bottles in the club, car is getting reposed outside. Can I get an AMEN
You can’t tell me that after being abandoned by both parents at a young age that I would be where I am today. I was supposed to be a lost soul in this world. I was set up for failure before I could even say my own name. You can’t tell me that going through those abusive relationship that I couldn’t find true love again. When I was in middle school they put me in a “special student” class to help me improve my reading and math skills. I was teased by the students and called stupid every day. But let me tell you how that helped me, I went on to high school and took college courses, graduated, started college as a second-semester Freshman, AND graduated college a year early and as vice president of my class. COME ON NOW, I should have given up a looooonnnngggg time ago. But IM STILL STANDING. Even after losing my first child I’m still standing. People wonder how I am able to smile and love my life. Please understand I do cry and I look at my son’s pictures multiple times a day. I even thought about giving up but I know there is a bigger plan for my life. I will always have a little angle watching over me. How can I NOT be blessed? This message is for anyone who is going through ANYTHING. I have been there and I have been in your shoes. Trust me it does get better! Press forward you will see the light at the end of the tunnel!
And even if you didn’t get the message I’m trying to send across. I just want you to know we all go through bad things in life. Hell take my life for example, I have been through hell and back. But our pains and traumas should not hold you back from living a prosperous life. Live through and be with those pains. Learn how to cope and press forward. It will make you stronger. I once heard a quote you will keep bumping your head until you learn your lesson. Be one with your trauma and learn to cope in the best positive way. IT’S OK I promise 😉