This story is a continuation of Addiction Pt 1. If you have not read Part 1 click here.
After the last situation I vowed to never allow myself to become so emotionally involved, that I wouldn’t be able to see the warming signs. Yet again I allowed myself to fall in love with someone who wanted to control me.
My next relationship looked so perfect on the outside yet on the inside it was a living hell. I was so head over heels for this guy named *Chase. He could do no wrong in my eyes. We also shared different opinions on EVERTHING, and I do mean everything. So what I learned from my past relationship is not to argue with men, it’s not worth the consequences of what might come of it. So whenever we would have a disagreement, I would brush it off and leave the conversation alone.
So it all began when Chase and I went out of town to Miami for my birthday. I was so happy to be there but of course we just couldn’t agree on anything. So on the night of my birthday we were supposed to go out, there was a limo coming to pick us up, and the plan was to have the time of our life. Well in the mist of getting ready we had another disagreement, I can’t remember what was said, but of course the enviable happened……. I found myself on the floor holding my face. As I laid on the floor I remember Chase calling to cancel the arrangements we had previously made. There were a many of things that went through my mind at the time. I couldn’t believe that I was in the same position yet again… but the main thing was, “Was it something that I was doing wrong to make men put their hands on me? And how can I get out of this situation?” So I got up off the floor and started to pack my things, my plan was to just fly back home and be done with him. But I’m assuming he picked up on what was happening and grabbed my plane ticket and ID. So I ran and grabbed my phone and went to my favorites (Team IPhone lol) and began to call my life line (my sister). As we were tussling he was able to grab the phone and hang it up. Next, I got a phone call back from my sister, as soon as I picked up I immediately broke down and was screaming, “He hit me, he hit me, and he won’t let me leave”. She started screaming in the phone as she was fueled with anger as well. I was miles away from home and I was helpless. She began to tell him to let me leave, but of course he was worried about having to explain the story to my family and why our trip ended so soon. He didn’t want to deal with the consequences of “what might happen.”
We returned home and returned to our normal life. Yet again I stayed and forgave him, I thought maybe it was just a mistake and he didn’t mean it. But I’m here to tell you if they can hit you once they WILL hit you again.
So a few months later Chase and I moved in with each other, and ever since the trip we took in March, things had been rocky. I knew that I loved him but he manipulated me into thinking that moving in with him and his best friend was the best thing for me. During this time in my life I had become so distant from my family. I stopped talking to my grandmother during a hard time in her life because I felt as though no one knew what was best for me, except Chase. I had multiple family member tell me he wasn’t right and that I needed to leave, but what did they know? I thought I knew what was best for me, and at the time he was all that made me happy.
Growing up I didn’t really have my father in my life, so of course I gravitate to the first man that made me feel like he cared and wanted to take care of me like my father should have done. (I’m not going to go into full detail about me and father relationship and how that affect me I’m saving it for another blog) But you get the point, I looked at him as the father I always wanted.
We continued to take lavish trips. This was his way of showing me that he still cared and loved me by taking me to places I had never been. But every time it never fails, I end up stranded in a big city, not knowing where to go or how to even get back to our hotel room. We would get into an argument and he would leave me to walk alone during the night, and find my way back home.
Not many people knew what I was going through at this time. Not friends, family, or even my life line (my sister). So one night we were laying down it was 3am. Now, Chase was the jealous type and it was extreme! So that night I had received a phone call from a previous friend, he was a NFL football player named *Tony. Tony and I were very close friends but never dated. We did have a crush on each other and both of our families loved us together but, we remained friends and was always there for each other. So Tony would always randomly call at different hours of the night to check on me or to tell me he was in town. Chase knew of Tony and envy him and the relationship we previously had. So I answered the phone and told Tony that he shouldn’t be calling at such late hours and that since I’m in a relationship now he can’t disrespect that. So as soon as I hung up chase was looking at me fueled with anger? So it begins, “Who was that” “Why was he calling” “So yall back talking” so I roll over and tried to ignore him and go back to sleep. He woke me up and I start to scream and yell telling him to leave me alone I don’t have time for this conversation at 3am. So he hit me…. I fell across the bed, but this time I wasn’t taking another “L”… I swung back striking him in the face. Then we began to fight like cats and dogs. For once I felt liberated, like I was finally standing up for myself to the bully. Next I hear his roommate knocking on our door, “ayyyyeee, what are yall doing” “yall making too much noise” “its too early for this I have to go to work” “yall need to take that somewhere else”. At the time I was so mad I just didn’t say anything I tried to go back to sleep. But Chase decided he wanted to put me out at 4am. Now this wasn’t the first time he put me out. I slept in my car many of times because he put me out. But this time I was done with all of his mess. I text me grandma at 4am and asked her if I could come back home. Even after all I had done to her and shunned her out of my life she responded and said “of course you can” to this day I still get teary eyed at this part. I’m not sure why she was up at 4am but I was so thankful and I knew it was God. She just didn’t know how much her words meant to me.
So from then on I knew I had to get out of that situation but there is one thing that was stopping me…. I still had all my possession at his house. At this point I still had my key, so one day I went to the house to get my things and he was home, I walked in and said, “Hey I’m getting my things, I’ll be done in a few”. So he watch as I began to pack my things. He started questing me about why I was leaving, I didn’t answer because I didn’t feel I needed to explain myself anymore, so he took the key, and put me out yet again. I still didn’t have my possessions. He told me I needed to make an appointment with him to get my things. So I knew that trying to get my possession from him would be hard, but I had to play his game in order to win. I returned numerous of times to get my things only to be turned around and leave with nothing. I even came over with a male family member and I still didn’t get my things. So the final strike was when, I got fed up of him putting me out. I was wearing the same clothes and the same shoes for weeks. One my good friend and I were supposed to go out for her birthday so I really needed my clothes and shoes. I “scheduled an appointment” like he asked and of course this time he still wouldn’t let me get my things. So I sat outside and I sat on his car. I knew his car was his prize possession. I didn’t touch it or vandalize it, I simply sat on the hood. He was watching me from his window and called me and said “Get of my car B****” I said, “No, not until I get my things”. So he hung up and came outside. He had his keys in hand and I can only imagine what was about to happen next. He got in his car and drove off with me sitting on the hood of the car. He didn’t just lightly step on the gas, he floored the gas. I flew off the car and the only thing I could think of was I’m going to die, I’m going to die. I remember me lying on the concrete yelling call the ambulance. He came over to me and looked and me and said “You will be ok, now go home”. At this point I’m still on the ground crying and yelling call the ambulance. I got up off the ground and limped to my car and drove myself to the hospital. As I sit in the waiting room I see my ankle began to swell and all I can think of is what have I done? I kept blaming myself for everything that went wrong. The doctor took a full x-ray of my body and the results were fine. I walk away with a few scrapes, bruises, and a twisted ankle. At that moment I knew church was my next stop because it was Gods hands I had fell into when I fell from the car. I had fell head first, tumbled, then slid on my back. That was my turning point!
After that situation, I was completely done with him. He eventually knew that I was done so he did malicious things to me. He would stalk me and then when he did return my things to me, he left them outside my house in the pouring rain. My family also told me he wanted to propose to me but they told him no, he needed to let the relationship grow. Afterwards, they said they knew he wasn’t the one for me and tried to save me from marrying him. good looking out 😉
Many people might ask why now? Why are you sharing this story? Well in order for me to grow I must release the Skeletons in my closet. I have kept these dark secrets inside of me for a while and in order for me to progress into a healthy relationship I need to face those skeletons. I had been so afraid of being judged by those who loved me. I also sit back and watch many other beautiful women go through the same situation. And here is my message to you. Baby girl you are more than worthy, never belittle yourself for NO MAN. Never let someone dark clouds, cloud your vision. LEAVE before it’s too late. I’m sharing my story in hopes that it will help another women who might be going through a domestic violence relationship. I hear many people say well just leave, and I know firsthand it’s not easy. And until you have walked in those shoes, you have no idea the type of emotional stress and a burden it has on a person.
If there is anyone out there going through this situation and would like to talk about it, PLEASE reach out to me. You can contact me via Social Media, or email me at Shamel23.firstname.lastname@example.org. I would love to talk with you and help you through it, you are not alone. And for the women who have not went through it please don’t judge those who are, its hard enough they have to deal with people judging them for dating the person so the best thing is to seek help for them and give support.
*Names of individuals in these stories have been altered
Need Help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.