Hey Guys I’m back! I know you’ve been wondering “Where is Shamel?” and to sum everything up, I’ll just say LIFE. I was without internet for 3 months due to moving (it was awful) lol. The move was great, not having internet not so great. So last week a thought crossed my mind that I needed to blog about. How love can be addicting. I feel that there is someone out there that needed to hear this and needs encouragement.
With everything I do, I try to be transparent as possible. I know the things I’ve been through have made me who I am today. So here I am today to share a few of those stories with you. These stories are real and based on my true life.
I am an observer at heart and I see so many young people in toxic relationships. Most people today are infatuated with the thought of love, and have thus misconception that everything in their relationship has to be shared on social media for likes, comments and shares. (Ding Ding) wrong answer. So in the midst of just being infatuated with the thought of a relationship, they also stay in situations that are toxic, not only for both parties but to their mind, body, and soul. I can admit, I’ve been addicted to love a few times. We’ve all been there and you’d be lying to yourself if you say you haven’t.
I was in an abusive relationship not once but twice. I know, I know, pretty girls like myself don’t go through things like that, well that’s not true we do. I like to say it happens to the best of us, so we can share our story and help someone else.
I was in college dating my boyfriend at the time named Justin*. Justin* and I didn’t always see eye to eye. We were dating for about 2 years. We had many ups and there were many downs. But when we were down it was awful. I remember we had a few arguments in the car, and one time he tried to throw the car in park while I was driving, and then another time he grabbed the steering wheel while I was driving and tried to run us into oncoming traffic. Luckily I have good driving skills and was able to gain control of the vehicle before we actually hit something or someone. Now those were red flags that something in this situation wasn’t right but I was young and thought “he must love me if he is acting crazy” (ding ding) wrong answer again. A man should never want to put you in harm’s way if he loves you nor should he want to see you hurting in any circumstance.
So one day he came to visit me while I was away at college and everything was going well, until we had a small argument that sent him over the edge. Now Justin wasn’t the most level headed person and was known to be emotionally unstable and sometimes acted on his emotions. So after our argument I went to class and tried to resume my normal life. While in class Justin was texting me long messages and I could hear the rage in his voice. He eventually told me that he was going to a bar that was down the street to start drinking (it was 11am) and once I got out of class that he wanted to talk to me and “we WAS going to talk.” I knew in my mind that there wasn’t a such thing as “talking to him”, things would only escalate. So after class I talked to my friend *Kenya and I told her I was scared to go back to my dorm room because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I began to explain what was going on and she advised me to call campus security or the police, But of course I didn’t want everyone in my business so that wasn’t an option for me. I had to be a woman and handle things on my own.
As a way to buy time for myself to come up with an escape plan, I told Justin I was speaking with one of my teachers after class and that I would be there soon. Somehow this made him more furious so I started receiving more phone calls and text messages from Justin. Next I received a phone call from Justin’s mother. As I answered the phone she started screaming about how I needed to answer her son’s phone calls, we need to work out our issues, and was going on and on. As I let her finish talking, I let her know that the son she knew is not the boyfriend I knew and I told her I was scared to return home because of what might happen. So she proceeds talking, “well go back home so he can get his things and leave.” So I put on my big girl panties and headed to my room. So as I walk in, he immediacy starts drilling me….. “so you can’t answer my phone calls” “I texted you and you didn’t respond” “ are cheating on me” “who is he”…..Now at this point I’m used to him being this way so I proceed to answer his questions. I mention that his mother told me that he was supposed to get his things and leave. I guess this upset him because his words got louder and I could see the rage in his eyes. After that I can’t remember the exact words that were said, but next thing I knew….. He slapped me!!…. Justin had slapped me so hard I had fell into a wood computer desk and broke it. All I remember was that I had started crying and told him to leave but he didn’t. So I let him stay, eventually that night he apologized and I acted like everything was cool just so he could leave the next day.
I was always told that any man that puts his hands on a female is a coward and you shouldn’t be with him. So after that we broke up and I didn’t speak to him until last year when he tried to rekindle the flame.
Now this is where the plot thickens, BUT…… You will have to wait until tomorrow for Part 2. I will pick up with the second domestic violence relationship, and how I was almost engaged, how I ended up in the hospital and almost died. Stay tuned there is a strong message to this!
*Names of individuals in these stories have been altered
Need Help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.